what your favorite album says about you

[ * from Jest Magazine]

by Christian Finnegan

It is said that one should never judge a book by its cover. That seems like sound logic, but what about album covers? A Celine Dion album, for instance, that someone tells you is their favorite? I think it's safe to say that you have every right to judge that album, and moreover, the person who enjoys it. The following is a short list of various albums and what they say about the people who love them.

My favorite album is:

Moby - Play
I'm old, but I don't know it yet.

Dave Matthews Band - Crash
I know sororities are lame, but I'm still probably going to rush. You know, just like a goof. Because I am sooo not a dumb sororoty girl. Right? Right?

John Coltrane - A Love Supreme
I tell anyone who'll listen what an avid jazz fan I am. But the truth is, is not for that Ken Burns documentary, I wouldn't know John Coltrane from The Dukes of Hazard's Roscoe P. Coltrane.

Mary J. Blige - No More drama
I am exactly 50 percent gangsta, 50 percent gay guy.

Jethru Tull - Thick as a Brick
I'm your source for topnotch "Doctor Who" fan fiction

Dmitri Shostakovisch - Symphonies Nºs 5 & 9
Although I lambaste popular culture at every opportunity, I occasionally beat off to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Pavement - Slanted and Echanted
Everyone in this room is an asshole, except me. And yes, I know that my t-shirt is too snug.

Miss Saigon - Original 1989 London Cast
I am horrible in bed.

Terrence Trent D'Arby - Neither Fish nor Flesh
I am ridiculed by black people and white people alike.

They Might be Giants - Lincoln
Wanna hear me recite The Life of Brian in its entirety?

John Mayer - Room for Squares
I respect you. And your gender.

Eric Clapton - Crossroads
I have to swing by JCPenny and Suncoast Video, so why don't we just meet up later, in the food court?

The Grateful Dead - Terrapin Station
Never mind what I did when I was younger! I'm your father and I'm telling you: Marijuana is bad news, mister!

Eminem - 8 Mile: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
Well, no, I don't acctually "hang out" with black people. But I get it. You know, their hole deal.

Wu-Tang Clan - Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)
I'm far more idiosyncratic than the people I grew up with in upper-middle-class suburban Massachusetts.

Michael Jackson - Invincible
I am from Bulgaria.

[ ** read also What your Favorite Movie Says About You]

[*** essa lista de favoritos não é a minha. ela é apenas parte do artigo que o Christian Finnegan escreveu pra revista Jest. thanks!]